People of the World! Spice Up Your Tits!

Normally our forays into Spice Girls territory consist of likening Posh's implants to various sundry fruits or balls used in elementary school physical education classes, peppered with the occasional tale of Scary Spice creating infants with famous mustachio'ed comedians of yore. So we're excited to bring Melanie Chisholm, aka Mel C., aka Sporty Spice, into the fold. Our gossip coxswain, Female First, reports:

Mel C has started eating specialist Japanese cookies in an attempt to make her breasts bigger for the Spice Girls reunion tour.

Sporty Spice, who has the flattest chest in the group, is attempting to boost her bust for the tour by eating Japanese 'F-Cup cookies'.

Mel told BBC Radio 1: "I'll be a guinea-pig for them, can you imagine if my boobs got bigger suddenly? That'd be great!"

The cookies, with a calorific value of 68.7 each, contain trans-fats which are sent directly to the breast area, as well as 50mg of "breast-enhancing herb" Pueraria Mirifica.

Manufacturers claim women can expect to see their breasts increase by at least a cup-size if they eat two cookies a day.

That's a pretty amazing advancement in breast enhancement technology. We've been employing a similar method for years. It's called the Hostess Suzy-Q. Each delectable Q has a calorific value of 383 each, and sends delicious trans fatty acids, palm kernel oil, high fructose corn syrup, and partially hydrogenated vegetable shortening straight to the mammary tissue, plumping it up to gargantuan proportions. Side effects may include increased mass in the lower abdomen, inner thighs, and curd-like dimples in the posterior. But your cup size will increase, guaranteed! Especially if you are a man.