Meet the Fighters or: The Simple Fight

Paris Hilton is one of today's hottest starlets. Millions of men have paid to see her smoking pole on tape. Shanna Moakler was a Playboy Playmate, so presumably hundreds of thousands of men have stroked the baloney pony while gazing upon her naked body. And last night they got into a bitchfight over this man:



C'mon, ladies, if your night is going to end with multiple police reports, at least let it be over George Clooney. Or how about Adrian Grenier? He's hot. Even Colin Farrell we might understand. But a pop-punk drummer with a fauxhawk and necktoos? Is that really the best you can do?

TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs.
Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.
Mintz and Hilton then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery. We're told Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs.
We're told police took photos of both women at the station, though it's unclear if either showed visible signs of injury.

Ahhh, it all makes sense now that we know our favorite jolly Greek giant was involved. See, what happened was that Stamos spied Shanna across the Hyde crowd and mistook her for a homeless person. (You know, because her reality-show money came from MTV and not a big network like Fox, like Paris's reality-show money.) And since upturning cups of fluid atop the heads of the homeless is a favorite pastime of Stamos's, there was no other possible outcome for the evening.
Paris is naked at MrSkin.com.

And would you look at that? So's Shanna.