Have you ever wondered what life on the inside was like for Martha Stewart? Here's her day in a nutshell: Wake up, shower, eat some Malt-O-Meal, take some walks, read a book on Mussolini's managerial skills, get ready for her afternoon workout only to find a lesbian orgy underway, yell, "Hey you cunt lickers, off the elliptical!", have a couple of free weights thrown at her head, whimper, "Please don't hurt me, please, please; I'll knit you a poncho!" Martha's jailhouse workout buddy blabbed to The National Enquirer (via Celebitchy):
ìWe were going to the usual room we used and the lights were off, which was odd. Then I looked through the window and I could make out some lesbians having sex.ìI warned Martha not to go in there, but she said it was our time to exercise, swung open the door, turned on the light and said ëChop! Chop! Ladies.í
ìThere were about four lesbian couples in there, most of them semi-clothed and all of them had clearly been fooling around.
ìMost of the women were more masculine-looking than boxers, and as they came out of the room, one of them said she was going to kill Martha!
ìI pushed Martha into the room and she began panicking when she realized they were serious. She went white and began shaking. ëDonít let them hurt me,í she said.
ìI went back out and spoke to the women. The angriest said ëThat b- is dead! I am going to kill her. She may be somebody outside, but sheís just a number in here!î
ìI said Martha wasnít right in the head and she wasnít with the program yet. Then I got Martha to come out of the room and apologize t the women. It seemed to work.î
God, what a prude! You were in prison, lady, and all you wanted to do was work on your abs? You needed to get in there and tongue some clit! If you did a good job, they surely would have returned the favor!
One Comment
No worries Martha, we had your back: We would've whacked those lint lickers.