In a world in which Kiefer Sutherland chills in random old man bars in suburban L.A. and Matt Damon marries a Miami bartendress, that hallowed line between celebrities and mortals is sadly blurred. As fans of Liberace-style candelabra-coated excess, we prefer the good old days, where Michael Jackson would sleep in an oxygen chamber and Prince would hire goons to shatter the patellae of persons who looked him directly in the eye. So any story about Mariah Carey is welcome, especially when said story involves her wishing for a device meant for the severely physically impaired. According to our gossip physical therapist, Female First, Mariah recently bleated,
"Before a big show I have to do 'vocal rest' where I'm not allowed to speak for two days. It's so boring having to write notes to everyone! I need Stephen Hawking's voice machine for when I'm on vocal rest. I'd like a machine where I can just think and it comes out in a robot voice – that would be amazing!"
This kind of smacks of the same preposterousness as the fake "I want to be skinny like Ethiopians, only without all the flies and death and stuff" quote attributed to Mariah, but still. In addition to employing a gum-toter and straw-dangler, Mariah going all Neil Young Trans on us is heartily endorsed. Just look what it did for T-Pain! Your career will go ringtone crazy, Mimi!
One Comment
I'm surprised Mariah Carey even knew who Stephen Hawking was!