Every once in a while Madonna will do something to fool us into thinking she's a real human being and not a member of the Cyborg Ageless Egotist Squad (Model #389, batch C). She'll do a spread in one of those magazines that have about three total pages of editorial content yet still cost $8, depicting her serene home life, her beautiful children, her domesticity. Maybe she'll wear an apron or brandish a rolling pin. And we'll be fooled, for a time. Until we hear that she demands a fresh, newly manufactured toilet seat every time she takes a crap.
Logically our first question is what in the name of Jeebus could she be doing to that toilet seat that she needs to be certain of its germ-free status and needs it to be immediately disposed of after use? Maybe the next phase in Madonna's shock-'em-with-my-eldery-sexuality tour will include auto-erotic toilet-based foreplay. And we'd assumed it would be pig fucking. A source told The New York Daily News of the antiseptic butt cushion:
It must be wrapped in plastic so her people can open it, and then she demands it be disposed of immediately after she leaves the venue so no one can sell it on eBay.
Madonna's paid mouthpiece responded:
I don't know if anyone helps her wipe, but there are probably people who would volunteer.
Did she mean Lance Bass? I think she meant Lance Bass. Our final question, of course, is if an uppity club manager forwent Madge's request and instead lined her crapper with copies of Confessions on a Dance Floor would anyone be able to tell the difference?
Remember when Madonna liked to shock us with her nudity? MrSkin.com does.
