How does Madonna keep her terrifyingly fit physique and smooth, creaseless face? The way everyone else does in Hollywood. She births and adopts as many children as possible and then feeds on their virgin souls. The sucked-dry carcasses of Lourdes and Rocco are lying in a gelatinous heap in a basement in Beverly Hills, and adopted cutie David Banda is barely clinging, so Madge, of course, headed back to his homeland of Malawi to adopt another source of sustenance. But guess what? Ho got denied. Says The Sun:
POP queen MADONNA was "furious" today after a judge in Malawi sensationally denied her bid to adopt little MERCY.
Madonna was told she could not take the tot back with her to the US because the singer was not a permanent resident of Malawi.
Sources close to the star said she was "spitting blood" after the judge defied the Malawian government to deny the adoption.
But the judge launched a stinging attack on high profile celebrities flying in to poverty-stricken countries and adopting children:
"Put simply courts do make law by the process of precedence and Miss Madonna may not be the only international person interested in adopting the so-called poor children of Malawi. By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children the courts by their pronouncements could actively facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land."
And from what it sounds like, Malawi officials are probably kicking themselves for letting David go to Madonna in the first place. While in the country, David visited his biological father and told him some very interesting bits of information. Take it away, Showbiz Spy.
While there, David was able to visit with his biological father Yohane Banda, but the tot didnít know who he was. David and Yohane spent about three hours together – it was the first time since 2006 – but the little boy didnít recognize his bio father. Yohane was stunned that David didnít know who he was or that he couldnít speak his native language.
Yohane said, ìHe asked me in English who I was and what I do. When I told him, ëI am your daddyí he looked surprised. We spent three hours togetherÖ he played with my nose and although he did not know who I was he asked me lots of questions.
ìDavid is quite chatty and intelligent. He asked whether I ride horses but I told him horses are for the rich. He asked me why I am poor. He said his mum likes riding horses and told me that one day he and his brother, Rocco, rode horses and fell. He said his mum spanked him because they are not supposed to ride on their own.î
David also told Yohane he misses his nanny, who quit (or fired by MadonnaÖ whichever rumor you believe). ìHe misses her a lot because she used to read him books. Nowadays he has different nannies and he doesnít like the situation.î
The three-year-old spoke of his relationship with Guy Ritchie. ìHe seems to like his daddy Mr. Ritchie so much,î said Yohane. ìI was sad Madonna broke up with him. I would have loved it if they sorted out whatever problems they had instead of divorcing because divorce is bad for kids.î
Whoa, what a crazy hand life can deal. One minute, you're the only son of a widower eating nothing but rotten potatoes and dirt, and the next, you're in the Cotswolds playing toddler polo and eating cruditÈs with Athina Onassis and admonishing the help for not serving your Go-gurt on the good china.
