Madonna Gets Juiced

We've long suspected that somewhere around the release of The Immaculate Collection Madonna was abducted by aliens and replaced by an almost human-like lifeform. The only problem was that alien Madonna only had a sixteen-month lifespan, necessitating frequent return trips to the spaceship for a swap out, and these particular aliens aren't very good at creating exact replicas, so the resulting swap out would usually have the face of the original Madonna but a completely different personality and fashion/musical focus. And now we have proof that this particular lifeform sustains itself solely on water and vitamin injections. According to Metro.co.uk:

Madonna shocked passengers on a recent transatlantic flight after witnesses claim she whipped out a needle and started injecting herself with vitamins.

Her startling energy boost came after sources say the queen of pop endured the seven hour journey without eating any food and drinking only bottled water.

A passenger on the flight said: 'Just before landing she brought out the phials of vitamins and injected herself.'

'Seven hours is a long time to go without eating. She was also very quiet and only spoke to the air staff to ask for water.' The claims come on the eve of the super-fit mum's 49th birthday, which she will celebrate later this week.

Recently she has surprised fans in a string of paparazzi shots that show her arms looking extra muscular and veiny.

A spokeswoman for the songstress said she 'would not comment' on whether the star uses vitamin jabs.

Other celebrities who are rumoured to use the energy boosting shots include rehabbers Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

Anna Denny, nutrition scientist at the British Nutrition Foundation said: 'They can be useful for the elderly and the very young, but generally they're unnecessary.

'We wouldn't recommend taking them without consulting a GP first.'

The other explanation here is that Madge has finally run the image gamut and is now working on her final, scariest incarnation: Carrot Top. We've already seen evidence of the creepy muscular arms, and her hair has been a little on the frizzy side recently. What those passengers saw Madonna injecting were the type of "vitamins" you buy at GNC, and the reason she didn't have to eat for the entire flight was because she had scarfed down six pounds of bloody, raw beef in the VIP lounge before boarding.