Madonna and Guy Ritchie Can't Justify Their Love

Recently we watched the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies. And after a whole lot of dick jokes from Justin Timberlake, we were surprised by Madonna's speech. She seemed nice and warm and overall human, and she even dropped her faux British accent after the first couple of minutes. It reminded us of why we loved Madonna when we were in the third grade. Plus, seeing a shirtless Iggy Pop jump into the audience of old white dudes and yell at them to "feel the music" while singing "Ray of Light" was kind of genius. But you know what we thought was odd? Not only was Madonna's husband, Guy Ritchie, not in attendance, Madge didn't so much as mention him during her entire speech. She thanked her publicist for three whole minutes, but there wasn't even a passing mention of Guy. Weird, right? Well, maybe not so much, as the couple is barely on speaking terms these days and hopes to soon have an entire ocean between them. Page Six reports:

IS Madonna about to get into the groove as a single woman again with a dramatic relocation from London to New York - without Guy Ritchie?

The pop queen and her movie-director husband's seven-year marriage is on the rocks, according to Page Six sources and reports out of Britain.

"Madonna is said to have lost respect for Ritchie when she found out he had embellished his past," one in-the-know Briton told us. "Far from the tough, working-class London dude he adoringly echoed in 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,' he's actually a privileged, prep school boy who chose to affect a gangland accent and walk with a street swagger. Brits can spot this at 100 yards, or hear it in an accent. Yanks, alas, can't."

But while Madonna might feel she has worn out her welcome in England, Ritchie is loath to leave his native country. "He's known in the UK as a moviemaker homeboy-made good," our source explained, "while in the US, he's just the foreign half-wit who took Madonna from her American homeland and made her talk all funny."

The couple's pals told Britain's Sun newspaper yesterday they're already living separate lives, having divided their country and city homes into "his and hers quarters" to avoid each other. "The marriage is hanging by a thread. No one doubts they adore their three kids, but the children seem to be the only reason they are living this strange loveless existence," one friend of the couple told the paper.

Madonna is headed to Manhattan with Lourdes, 11, Rocco, 7, and David, 2, Britain's News of the World reports, quoting one source: "Madonna and Guy are over. It's all very amicable. They've just fallen out of love with each other."

Baloney, says Madonna's rep, Liz Rosenberg. "All is well and wonderful in the Ritchie household," she told us. "Their marriage is definitely not hanging by a thread. Madonna has no plans to move to New York . . . Separate wings? I think not. I am delighted to confirm [they] remain happily married . . . They're still both sharing Cloud 9 - as opposed to Client 9, ha-ha!"

Still, speculation about the Material Mom's second marriage has been in overdrive. Ritchie wasn't with his wife when she was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last week. And he skipped her Raising Malawi charity drive at the United Nations last month.

Ho, ho, Client 9, how timely. You really are a card, Liz Rosenberg. We can see why you got such a glowing thanks during Madonna's induction speech. All Guy Ritchie ever did was take Madonna's already limping, cancer-ridden acting career, pump it full of arsenic, stab it a couple of hundred times, and put a silver bullet in its head. He definitely didn't deserve a thank you.


Of course Madonna is naked at MrSkin.com. Did you really have to ask?