Madonna Tries To Buy Her Own Children

See, here's the problem with rich people: If at any point in your life you have been able to think to yourself, "Gee, I'd really like for someone to paint a pride of lions turquoise, put them in tutus, and teach them to sing a L'il Wayne song" and were certain that your vast fortune could make such an accomplishment possible, you'll probably think that money will always get you whatever you want. That's why Madonna thinks she can buy her kids. Reports The Daily Mail:

Madonna has offered Guy Ritchie an additional £5million to dictate his access rights to their three children.

The singer has agreed to increase the lump sum cash payment he will get in their divorce from £15million to £20million if he backs down from a court battle over Lourdes, 12, Rocco, eight, and David Banda, three.

Legal sources said last night that Mr Ritchie would be well-advised to take the offer since Madonna as their mother would be seen as primary carer.

As such, a British judge would most probably rule the children should live with her in New York rather than in England with Guy.

'Madonna has said to Guy that if she ups the money, then would he agree to her setting out the access for the children until they turn 18. What she is basically saying is that if Guy wants this to go to court, she will get what she wants anyway.

'Basically she is offering a cash incentive to him to encourage an amicable out-of-court agreement over the children.. Madonna is keen to give Guy good access to the children – but on her terms,' a source said.

'Guy wants the children to be educated in Britain – especially his beloved Rocco – but his lawyers will be advising him that if Madonna moves to New York and wants the children with her, a judge is likely to agree.'

But, you know, it really doesn't matter what Guy says, as Madonna is totally the second coming of Christ and should be able to do pretty much anything she wants. As long as she doesn't piss off a bunch of Jews with nails. That might not be good. The rag continues:

The Mail has learned that Guy finally decided the marriage was over during one particular bizarre exchange with his wife at their Marylebone house where she claimed to be 'bigger than Jesus'.

Said a friend: ''The argument happened at the Marylebone house. Madonna had been moaning about his lack of support and lack of interest in what she has doing with Kabbalah.

'She told Guy she did not understand why she was ridiculed by the press for what she was doing with the religion. But Guy just reacted quite sarcastically and told her to "get over herself".

'And that's when it got a bit surreal. Madonna said that her destiny had been mapped out and that she had been chosen to live this life.

'She said the reason why she is a living icon is that she had been chosen to be a spiritual guru. To which Guy turned around and said 'Listen love, you're just a singer'.

'And it was then she turned around to him and said: "Listen baby, I'm bigger than Jesus'".

'Guy was dumbfounded. At that point, he realised that he really had lost her to the Kabbalah. From that point on, Guy felt totally alienated from Madonna. She made him feel that he was beneath her. To make matters worse, that had been one of the few times they had been together in recent months and it was spoiled by that argument.'

The source went on: 'Guy truly believes that Madonna is deluded and lives in a fantasy world ñ particularly also when it comes to her age.

'When Madonna turned 50 for example, she felt her biological age was only 35 so they went ahead as if it was a 35th birthday'.

Now we finally understand Madonna's cruel act of canceling Christmasógirl's just jealous that so many people insist on celebrating the birth of Christ but Madgemas was a huge disaster.


Worship her: See Madonna nude at MrSkin.com.