Madonna plans to meditate over some water and use it to save the planet from nuclear waste. That is if she isn't kidnapped by the Russian mob first.
Madonna believes that by treating nuclear waste with Kabbalah water, it can safely inhabit the earth. MSNBC reports:
The singer and her director hubby Guy Ritchie have been ìlobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid,î according to Londonís Sunday Times.
The power couple has approached various British government agencies, urging the detoxing powers of a ìmysticalî liquid developed by the mystical offshoot of Judaism, which is currently trendy among some celebs.
ìIt was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,î one official told the Times.
ìShe relentlessly pursued people,î according to a former civil servant. ìShe wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.î
On this subject Madonna was previously quoted as saying:
According to science, we aren't going to have a planet in about 50 years at the rate we're going with nuclear waste. I can write the greatest songs, make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point?
Luckily for the planet, Madonna uses every available talent in her endeavors. If her world-cleansing abilities are at all comparable to the "fabulous films" Shanghai Surprise and The Next Best Thing, Earth will look so pristine and untouched we'll start thinking it's 463 B.C.
Oh, and about those Russians. They're not so happy with Madonna's plan to bring her own brand of explosive toxic waste (i.e., fake crucifixions) to their country. According to The San Francisco Chronicle:
Madonna is reportedly being targeted by Russian gangsters who are threatening to kidnap her and her kids in a bid to stop her controversial Confessions tour from reaching Moscow next month.
The pop queen's husband Guy Ritchie has called for a step-up in security around his wife and children Rocco and Lourdes — but the singer remains relaxed.
An insider tells British newspaper The Sun, "Madonna is well aware of the kidnap threats but she is brave and even a little nonchalant when it comes to her own safety.
"Guy is seriously concerned and has made it clear that security has to be tightened, just to be on the safe side."
Madonna. To be kidnapped by the Russian mob. It's not as good as Russell Crowe's claim that al Qaeda was plotting to kidnap him, but it's better than making another joke about Britney Spears being fat and covered in Cheeto grease.
Madonna saves the planet one naked boob at a time at MrSkin.com.
