Madonna's Brother Is Very Loyal--To His Paycheck

Hey, Madonna! Besides pointing your un-clad poontang in the paparazzi's direction, what's a good way to get gossipers to stop talking about the possibility that you're about to scrap that whole till-death-do-us-part thing? Perhaps your estranged brother could write a juicy tome divulging all your secrets and then you could sic your big meany lawyers on him so that it never sees the light of day. How's that? Is that what you want us to talk about now, Madonna? OK, good. We'll ditch the whole divorce thing and run with this then. Page Six reports:

MADONNA and Britney Spears are about to get socked with scandalous, tell-all books about their wild and crazy lives.

Madonna is sure to be the more betrayed. Her brother Christopher Ciccone, who had a falling-out with Her Madgesty several years ago, has collaborated with British journo Wendy Leigh on an exposé of his sister for Simon Spotlight Entertainment, an imprint of Simon & Schuster - and it's going to be "brutal."

"It's extremely graphic and devastating," said a source who declined to give details. "He wrote it on the sly without telling Madonna. They want to put it out before her lawyers can get a hold of it."

The book, due out next month, has a massive print run of 350,000.

A dismayed friend of Madonna said, "We'd heard rumors, but didn't realize he'd actually written it. He was there through the crazy years and has many stories to tell, I'm sure. He's seen it all. Oh, my."

Adam Rothberg, Simon & Schuster's fork-tongued flack, told us yesterday, "We don't have anything to say at this time" - but then gave the story to the AP. Madonna's rep declined to comment.

Ciccone - a gay decorator/chef once described by Rupert Everett in Everett's biography as "a solid raft for Madonna in the shark-infested waters" - was ditched by his sister after she hooked up with her now husband Guy Ritchie, who Everett said was "uncomfortable around queens."

So Madonna's husband is uncomfortable around queens? Is that why they spend so much time apart? Because we're guessing that the makeup of Madonna's inner circle is roughly 87% queen.

But of course Madge's people are attempting to squash the book's publication. According to Faded Youth:

Just how pissed is Madonna about the tell-all book her brother is currently writing?

E! reports that the Material One has been meeting with her attorneys to cease publication of Christopher Ciccone’s July book, Life With My Sister. Neither Madge’s rep nor Simon & Schuster will confirm that, but Liz Rosenberg, the singer’s longtime publicist, did tell AP that Madonna “has not cooperated with any biography” being written about her.

And guess who is likely to land the first interview with Christopher Ciccone? Diane Sawyer. Sorry, Babs!

Ah, we get it. So now we're supposed to believe that the lawyers Madonna was seen talking to are set to take a chunk out of her brother's ass, not her husband's. Oh, OK, sure thing, Madge. We believe you.


Madge shows her vadge at MrSkin.com.