Madonna Gets the Rod from A-Rod, Burned by Bernhard

There are few things in this world that continually surprise us. Madonna is one of them. We're not talking about her frequent personality flopping, but the fact that after twenty-five or however many years people are still paying attention to her. When we were eight and wearing fingerless lace gloves and singing "Borderline" into our giant bottle of Aqua Net we definitely weren't thinking, "This broad is still going to be one of the most talked about stars in 2008." Not because we didn't think it was possible, but because we were too busy thinking "Ricky Schroder is dreamy" or "I could really use a candy cigarette." But today Madonna retains her relevance by probably getting divorced, possibly porking a Yankee, and getting compared to raw chicken (? or something, we're not really sure) by Sandra Bernhard. First up, the schtupping, via The New York Daily News:

Alex Rodriguez has made "numerous" late-night visits to Madonna's Central Park West apartment, according to a published report.

Rodriguez, 32, has been seen arriving alone, according to US Weekly, and sneaks out of Madge's building "as late as midnight," a source told the magazine, adding, "all the doormen are talking."

OK! magazine also noticed the budding friendship between the Material Girl and A-Rod. "They met briefly at a charity event and that's it," the singer's publicist told the magazine.

Madonna has been shacked up in her posh Manhattan apartment - without her husband - for more than a week. Ritchie arrived in New York Monday night in a reported attempt to salvage their marriage.

We know about as much about the New York Yankees as we know about Guy Ritchie movies, so this is pretty much a draw for us, although we do look forward to Madge returning to her hyper-accentuated New York personality of the early '80s. That accent really was the best fit for her.

And now on to Sandy. She said some things about Madonna. Things that were mean. We think. Page Six reports:

While Ritchie was jetting here from London - perhaps to try to save his foundering marriage to the Material Mom - Bernhard just ripped her in Toronto, going off on a rant when one fan shouted, "Are you still friends with Madonna?"

"She . . . descended into this mad, dark, five-minute freestyle, where she mercilessly mocked the Queen of Pop by repeatedly chanting, 'We Only Got Four Minutes to Save the World,' [and] at one point screamed, 'My chicken is raw!' " reports Toronto columnist Shinan Govani. "After all that, she paused pregnantly and asked, deadpan: 'Does that answer your question?' "

No. No, it doesn't. Is Sandra saying that her chicken is raw because of Madonna? And is chicken code name for her tuna taco? And if so does that mean that Madonna is so sexually potent that all these years later Bernhard's beaver still hasn't recovered from its encounter with the Material Girl? Because if so we've finally got our answer to how Madonna continues to be relevant.


Madge shows vadge at MrSkin.com.

And Sandy gives up her candy too.