A paparazzo has filed a police report against Bruce Willis, claiming that the cueballed celebrity pushed him and shoved him with his own camera. Willis's spokesman, Paul Bloch, says that Bruce simply raised a hand up "to protect himself" because he was "blinded by the lights." Furthermore, Willis was also revved up like a deuce, or possibly wrapped up like a douche, depending on who you talk to.
Exhaustion is so 2005, and bird flu is still a little too underground, so this season's hot new Hollywood malady is shaping up to be flashbulb confusion brought on by the Pavarotti–you know, the camera-toting dudes also responsible for poor celebrity vehicular skills. They caused Paris Hilton to molest a poor, innocent Civic with her brutish SUV mere days ago, and now they've compelled Bruce Willis to attack one of their own! On Tuesday night, Willis was leaving Koi, natch, and being snapped by a roving band of photogs when, in his version of the story, he lifted one meaty hand to shield his eyes from the unrelenting blink of the flashbulbs, when he accidentally tapped a lensman. But according to the "victim", Willis smacked him with such force that his own camera flew into his face and chipped a tooth, requiring hospitalization.
He smashed my camera into my face… All I was doing was taking his picture. I didn't say one word. I didn't get in his way.
After watching Bruce Willis in Sin City, Pulp Fiction, and Die Hards great and small, we have to admit that we're a little disappointed that a kiss from the great fist of Willis causes nothing more than a chipped bicuspid. We were hoping for a nose bone to the brain, a crushed pharynx, or possibly a spinal cord ripped clean out of the victim's mouth.
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