If we told you that Lindsay Lohan was covered in bruises from a hard night working it out on a stripper pole, you'd probably start calling every gentleman's club in California trying to find where you could see Lindsay with a hard metal pole between her legs. But if we told you the pole work was during an exercise routine helping her prepare for her next role as a topless dancer, you'd probably erect a tent (or, more accurately, two) outside your local Loews waiting for the film's release and promise to give all of your Christmas presents to blind baby orphans if those flapjacks could jump out of the screen and slap you in the face.
Lindsay must have seen her Mean Girls co-star Amy Poehler's recent rutabaga reveal as some sort of challenge, as she's currently preparing for the film I Know Who Killed Me, in which she will play a topless dancer. After embarking on her stripping tutorial, Lindz came away with a few bruises. Page Six reports:
An e-mail she sent to pals last week has the subject title: "They're all whores, they're all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lohan wrote in the note, "So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark."I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the cunts now. . . I'm not gonna lie to ya."
We're glad you respect those cunts, Lindsay, but the question is, do you respect their cunts? Because you're standing at a crossroads here. You were very recently beloved and your tits were worshipped. You could easily regain that adoration with a nice, long, well-lit scene of humping that pole, hooters out and ready for action. We'll even let you wear a thong, since your man hatch (and those of your peers) is a little played out right now. You could make 2007 the year that we rediscover juicy and succulent melons. 2007: The Year of the Booby. But you could (and possibly will) go in another direction with this–the dreaded Natalie Portman/Jessica Alba direction–and keep all your best parts under sparkly, spangly, totally unrealistic cover. But we're begging you, Lindsay: Take a hint from your pal Demi Moore. Not only did she take her role as a stripper seriously and actually strip, she cared so much about truth in film that she purchased herself a nice pair of plastic knockers. Are you that committed to your art, Lindsay?
(Hey, we made it through this entire post without mentioning Lindsay's Firecrotch. Aren't you proud of us?)
If you can't wait for Lindz to drop her top, find her looking sexy at MrSkin.com.
