Lindsay to Dad: "I Liked You Better as a Convict"

When you've thoroughly f'ed up your life with drugs and assault and prison, you can at least be assured that after your stint in the pokey, where you learned how to write really awesome songs and draw meaningful pictures, your eldest daughter will outstretch her fully rehabbed arms and yell, "Welcome home, Daddy!" Well, unless you're Michael Lohan. Then you're screwed.

We thought Lindsay was avoiding dear ol' dad because she didn't want another lecture about what's actually in that Voss bottle (that's why she sticks to hanging with Dina), but really Lindz seems to think he's a sleazy scumbag just like the rest of us. Page Six reports:

LINDSAY Lohan finally talked to her estranged, felonious father, Michael Lohan, and told him, "You still haven't changed. Don't go near my mother ever again," a source told Page Six. "It wasn't the phone call Michael wanted."

The former stockbroker was released March 13 from the upstate Collins Correctional Facility, where he spent about 20 months behind bars for drunk driving.

Michael had hoped to patch things up with his daughter. But after talking to her dad, "Lindsay called her mother [Dina] and told her to be careful and to take care of her brother and sister," said our source. (Another sister is away at college.)

Lindsay's other sibling is actually a brother, but it is Page Six we're talking about, so truth isn't too much expected. Anyway, like any truly reformed criminal, Daddy Lohan blames all of his problems on someone else.

Michael, who found religion while he was in jail, is still praying for a reconciliation, hoping that Lindsay sees the light when her uncle, Paul Sullivan – whom he blames for his problems – is sentenced on April 27 in Federal Court in Islip, having pleaded guilty to mail fraud.

"When one door closes, another door opens," Michael Lohan told a friend this week. "This is divine retribution. [Sullivan] is the guy behind the whole thing. He set me up, spread lies and rumors about me, and convinced Lindsay to 'distance' herself from me. Paul even pressed false charges against me to have me arrested. He called me a con man, but he's a con man."

Sullivan, one of Dina Lohan's brothers, was arrested for fraud in June 2005 after obtaining a $646,000 loan from the Small Business Administration by claiming his Ropa Group Corp. had lost substantial business after 9/11.

In October, Sullivan was also charged with obstruction of justice after he was recorded telling a South American company to lie for him about a $78,000 kickback. "Look, we're twisting the story a little, but we can only twist it, right? What can we do?" Sullivan was quoted in court documents.

Michael Lohan has no use for any of his in-laws. In 2004, he was arrested and charged with assaulting Matthew Sullivan, brother of Paul Sullivan and Dina, in the driveway of the Lohan home. "Maybe the truth is finally coming to light, and the people who came between the Lohans will be weeded out as well," Michael told the friend this week. "Perhaps this is what Lindsay needed all along." Or perhaps not.

Now we know where Lindsay's inability to resist a glass of champagne comes from. Just like when Daddy says, "I couldn't help myself. Paul made me hit him with that shoe," Lindsay leaves Hyde all wobbly and bleary-eyed, declaring, "It wasn't my fault. That flute attacked me and forced its liquid innards down my throat."

Lindsay works out her Daddy issues at MrSkin.com.