Lindsay Lohan Minus Ronson Plus Side Boob Equals Fun

Weeks ago, the Montauk Monster washed ashore, terrifying everyone with its powerful beak and leathery flesh. This week, two random gentlemen came forward with what they said was the corpse of Bigfoot, though it turned out to be nothing more than a flaccid gorilla suit. Today, another sort of beast makes an appearance. Its flesh is blinding white, speckled with small beige dots. It is round, overfed, plump. It confounds yet entices with its jiggling undulation. It remains half hidden in its cottony home, peeking out shyly to survey its surroundings. It is known as Lindsay Lohan's side boob, and it's widely regarded in the scientific community as not being a hoax. "Unlike the Loch Ness monster, Lindsay Lohan's side boob does not invoke terror and should not be looked upon as a threat. We regard it as a natural wonder of the universe," an expert said in an official statement. "However, one question remains unanswered: What does the side boob want with us? Understanding, is our guess. Understanding and the hardening of weenises."

See Lindsay at her hottest at MrSkin.com.