Might As Well Face It, Lindsay's Addicted to Love

Weep not for the fate of Lindsay Lohan, tenderhearted readers. According to her father, she's jim dandy, so long as she's got a pair of pruning shears in one hand and a shovel laden with fresh steaming horse turds in the other. Michael Lohan squealed to News of the World:

"Lindsay laughed with excitement as she told me how she spends her days. She spends hours writing songs about what she has been through. And she helps look after the horses. Every day she helps muck them out, feed them and ride them. She has taken up gardening and loved showing me the roses she helps look after."

But a Cirque Lodge insider thinks that our beleaguered firecrotch is still wrestling with a demon or two, and tells Star:

"She's been having erotic dreams about her former lovers, like Calum Best, Wilmer Valderrama, and Jared Leto. Her counsellors are trying to get her to understand that she's substituting one addiction for another . . . Besides the obvious dangers of STDs, having indiscriminate sex can lead to emotional heartbreak, and that can lead to drug and alcohol abuse. If she doesn't come to grips with this, Lindsay is going to find herself back in rehab–sex addiction."

Having sexual fantasies about a balding Englishman, the frontman of 30 Seconds to Mars, and Fez from That '70s Show certainly does sound like an incredibly serious problem worthy of all sorts of concern. But hey, she was able to replace that pesky coke and booze addiction with weeding and equine care, so taking up lanyard-braiding or falconry should cure that yen for Leto wiener post haste.

Loho shows it off at MrSkin.com.