Lindsay's Goin' To Dollywood and She's Gonna Get Marr-ar-aried

So you’re a 21-year-old already nearly washed-up and somewhat rehabbed actress and you’ve finally found the lesbian love of your life and you want to declare to the whole world that she’s the only one who will be sampling your clam from now on. What do you do next? Go to Dollywood, of course! Our gossip island in the stream, FemaleFirst, reports:

Lindsay Lohan has announced she wants to marry Samantha Ronson.

The ‘Mean Girls’ star was seen sporting a ring at the Dolce and Gabanna party at the Cannes Film Festival, in France, and reportedly told her former lover, British model Calum Best, the pair are engaged.

Lohan, 21, and 30-year-old DJ Ronson – sister of music producer Mark Ronson – were also spotted at one of P. Diddy’s infamous boat parties kissing passionately and draped over each other.

According to Britain’s Daily Star newspaper, the ‘Georgia Rule’ star has apparently told friends she wants to have a partnership ceremony with Ronson at Dolly Parton’s Dollywood theme park in July.

She is also referring to herself as Lindsay Ronson.

Rumours Lohan and Ronson are more than just friends have been circulating for months.Previously leaked emails from Lohan to Ronson said: “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die? I want to marry you.”

Reports also suggest that since returning from the world famous film festival, Lohan has moved into Ronson’s Los Angeles home.

We really think that Dollywood is an inspired location for a Lohan wedding. Not only is Dolly a beloved gay icon and therefore accepting of Lindsay and Sam’s love, she also knows a thing or two about using your gigantic bosoms to get ahead in life. Linds could learn something from good ol’ Dolly, as LiLo doesn’t yet seem to understand that her hooters have a hypnotizing effect on her audience. Used in the right way, Lindsay’s headlights could lure millions upon millions of men to repeatedly pay to see a Lindsay Lohan joint, even if it was an imaginative dual sequel to Herbie Fully Loaded and Just My Luck. Those pontoons are just that powerful.

Oh, and even Lindsay’s dad says, “Duh, she totally boinking Sam.”

And in case Lindsay’s meager engagement ring up there doesn’t fulfill your daily quota of pizazz, witness Dolly Parton singing “9 to 5″ with a bunch of be-costumed Disney characters.