Lindsay Lohan Forsakes Father, Baby Jesus

After Lindsay Lohan was released from rehab that one time, she was seen somewhere in the vicinity of her father, Michael, a few times, she in her leggings, he in his turtleneck. But since then we don't think the father and daughter have so much as shared air in the same state. Yet Michael is constantly calling up Ben Widdcombe or some such, bragging about all the great projects he has lined up and how Lindsay is "so excited" to help him in his endeavors. Yet in reality, we're guessing that Linds doesn't even remember her dad's first name. "I think it's Mitchell or something. He was in jail once. I know that." Still, In Touch and other "news sources" buy into his E.B. White-level fairy tales of his perfect daddy-daughter relationship (with the marketable one, of course; that other girl was ceded to Dina years ago). Actually, E.B. White was far more believable. We saw a talking pig at McDonald's this morning when we were picking up our McGriddle. Says the mag:

Lindsay Lohan may soon be volunteering her time — and it’s not part of her parole. According to Lindsay’s dad, the recovering party girl has signed up to do missionary work with Times Square Church Missions. “She has made it clear she definitely wants to come along,” Michael Lohan tells In Touch of their plans. “Our trip next February encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India. We also deal with helping AIDS victims.” Michael, an ex-con-turned-youth minister, says that Lindsay, 21, is also considering other international missions. “Lindsay’s very spiritual. She has a wonderful heart, loves people and is very charitable,” Michael tells In Touch.

Yet hollywood.tv counters:

LINDSAY LOHAN has laughed off her father MICHAEL's claims she is planning to work as a missionary in India.

Born again-Christian Michael told a U.S. tabloid the star was eager to join him on a trip to the country next February (09) with New York's Times Square Church Missions.

He said, "Our trip encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India. We also deal with helping AIDS victims. She (Lindsay) has made it clear she definitely wants to come along."

But Lohan Jr. has shot down the claims, with her representative telling the New York Daily News, "Per Lindsay, this isn't true."

Or, in Lindsay's words: "Missionary? Oh, no no no. I'm reverse cowgirl all the way."