Lindsay Lohan Swaps Hole for Pole

Let's face itóLindsay Lohan's vagina is a rabid carnivore with a taste for the reddest of meat. And after more than a year of a strictly piscetarian diet, it's now running around foaming at the chops and devouring every hunk of steaming sausage it can get its freckled, fiery labes on. Friends say now that Lilo has lost her lesbian way of life, she's now strictly dickly. And how! Page Six reports:

LINDSAY Lohan is drowning her sorrows over her breakup with Samantha Ronson in a sea of men — and some friends are terrified she'll go down the road Britney Spears traveled two years ago. Except that, unlike Spears, Lohan doesn't have a stable family member to lean on.

The faux lesbian has been "a complete and utter wreck" since Ronson broke it off with her two weeks ago, and has been spending time with "a different man every night," said one concerned friend. Some of the guys include "90210" star Kellan Lutz — who "has been out of town this week, but they are in constant contact," the friend said — as well as British paparazzo Chris Jepson.

On April 15, Lohan and Jepson were inseparable at a Hollywood Hills house party. According to a spy, they even went into a bathroom together and didn't come out for quite some time.

Haven't we already written 20 stories about the same exact thing? At this point we think Loho's trying to nail as many dudes as she has freckles. She was trying to hide her speckles of lust with her line of self-tanner, but now that V-bag is off the menu, she's letting her true melanin shine. A leopard can't change its spots. A firecrotch can't change its insatiable need for wienah.