Lezzie-No-More Lindsay Lap Dances for Leo

Like a paparazzo's lens to a bared, bald cooch in a car, ex-lesbian Lindsay Lohan has jumped back on the dick train. You're shocked, we know. And girl's not wasting any time getting her clit wet with lower-level lads; she's going straight for the real meat and potatoes, a high earner: Leonardo DiCaprio. Says The Sun:

IT seems LINDSAY LOHAN has had her fill of women and is throwing herself back into the world of man love.

The so-called actress, who has split from lesbian lover SAM RONSON, was clocked flirting relentlessly with a series of men on a night out before turning her attention to LEO DiCAPRIO.

She warmed up with a cosy chat ó then got up and danced in front of him.

The Titanic actor has always had an eye for the ladies but I think heís sinking to new lows with this flirtation.

He has dated supermodels HELENA CHRISTENSEN and GISELE BUNDCHEN and he is currently tickling Israeli catwalk star BAR RAFAELI.

I can understand Lindsayís motivation for wanting to get close to Leo, but not why he would risk the wrath of his gorgeous missus.

Lindsay spotted Leo at Hollywood hotspot My House on Wednesday night.

A source said: ìAs soon as Lindsay saw Leo she was like a bee to honey.

ìShe was going for the big catch and when she spotted him in a dark corner of the club she headed straight for him.

ìShe quickly monopolised his conversation and made sure she had him all to herself.

ìLindsay is a sharp tac. She wasnít wasting her time chatting up small fish. She seemed interested in the gents with deeper pockets, probably because her career is on a downward trajectory.

ìThe pair were cosied up together deep in conversation. She definitely tickled his fancy.î

As the night went on and the drinks flowed, things between her and Leo hotted up and she took to the dancefloor to show off her talents.

My eyewitness added: ìIt was a bit shocking when she got up and started dancing in front of him but he seemed to be enjoying it.î

See, this is why Lindsay isn't getting movie roles anymore. You're supposed to dance for producers and casting directors, not actors. And you're supposed to do it in their office. And by "do it" we mean have sex with them. A couple of years as a lesbian, and Lindsay just doesn't understand the rules of Hollywood anymore.