Firecrotch crash!

A general debaucherous Memorial Day weekend for you consists of hitting a record two BBQs, having one too many Genny Cream Ales, falling asleep in the sun, procuring 2nd degree burns, and making a trip to the hospital for heavy-duty aloe and zinc application. Admittedly, you look pretty badass with all those blisters, and the prospect of peeling your back skin off in solid sheets is enough to make you pretty popular with the kids for the next few weeks, but sorry, Lindsay Lohan has you beat. She spent the weekend partying until 5:30 A.M., crashing her car into a tree, fleeing the scene, getting busted for cocaine, going out and getting blindlingly zorked to celebrate, puking, passing out in a car, and then checking into rehab. Man, she's really taking Charles Nelson Reilly's death pretty hard.

The initital snafu occurred very early Saturday morning. TMZ scooped it:

Lindsay Lohan was cited for investigation of driving under the influence Saturday and was slightly injured when her Mercedes struck a curb, police told the Associated Press.

Lohan, 20, and two other passengers were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible when it crashed at about 5:30 AM into a curb on Sunset Blvd., Sgt. Mike Foxen told the AP.

The plot immediately got a little more powdery:

In a press conference this afternoon about the arrest of Lindsay Lohan, cops say they found a "usable amount" of a drug at the scene, which they say was cocaine. Lt. Mitch McCann of the Beverly Hills Police Department would not say where the drug was found, but it was "not on her person."

After the crash, police say LiLo got into another car and was driven to Century City Hospital where she was treated for minor injuries that involved "something to her upper chest area." Police said the two other people in her car were not hurt.

Officers received a 911 call about the accident and "tracked Ms. Lohan to the local hospital, where she was ultimately placed under arrest" for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

And in a touching epilogue, she's supposedly set to check into Promises this afternoon to give rehab a second shot. IDLYITW quotes some random:

"She finally realizes it's the right thing to do. She is going willingly."

However, sources say that's a far cry from Lindsay's mood last night at the L.A. club, Teddy's:

"Insiders say Lindsay was partying as hard as ever at a 944 Magazine party and kept insisting she didn't care about the consequences of her arrest when cocaine was discovered in her wrecked Mercedes convertible. She was later photographed seeming to be out of it in the front passenger seat of a car being driven by her friend, disc jockey Samantha Ronson."

We're sure you're interested in the aforementioned passed out pics–X17 has you covered. But the real tragedy here is that all this foofaraw could have easily been avoided if Lindsay had read a simple book. We're not talking about the Bible or The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People or the AA handbook. We're talking about Sweet Valley High #40: On the Edge. A harrowing tale of beautiful, dusky-maned Regina Morrow, the half-deaf daughter of a fashion model. She finds love with Bruce Patman (and his Porsche with the 1BRUCE1 license plate) and regains her hearing via an experimental surgery only to lose it all after taking two small sniffs of cocaine. She had an undiagnosed heart defect and she dropped dead. That's right, Lindsay, we're trying to scare you straight. REMEMBER REGINA MORROW.