Shocker! Of! The! Century! Lindsay Lohan does coke. Oh, and she humps lots of boys too. We may never recover from our shattered illusions. When we're ninety and sipping a creamed corn and mashed potato smoothie on the lanai in our nursing home, we will utter our first words in sixty years: "Can't believe . . . Lindsay does coke." Then we will fall off our rattan chair, never to wake, never having recovered from the great shock of May 2007.
We only ever believe News of the World when they accompany their stories with pictures (we need visual stimulation just like a four-year-old), and luckily for us this one comes complete with some dark, grainy, cokey photos. The article claims that Lindsay:
SNORTED 20 lines of cocaine in ONE night aloneSTRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table
BRAGGED of wild sex sessions with a host of celebrities including singer James Blunt and model Calum Best.
STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table
BRAGGED: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law."
The mag's source says:
"That night I saw her do more than 20 big lines of cocaine. She was still up doing drugs at 11am even though she had started about 8pm the night before."She wasn't even trying to hide it and was blatantly doing it off table tops, keys, books and in the wardrobe, where she was hunched over with her legs crossed almost bent in half doing it off some magazine on the floor.
"I remember looking at her and thinking how pathetic she looked and how out of control she had become.
"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.
"I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone.
"Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out.
"One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat."
Oh, and about all those dudes she's f'ed:
"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend."She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.
"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ëStay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'
"Lindsay told me she has messed around with Leonardo DiCaprio a while ago too but claimed that she didn't sleep with him.
"She also flew to New York about two months ago to go to bed with Jude Law.
"Last November she slept with Calum Best. She didn't tell me if he was any good but she is usually too wasted to know what is going on anyway."
Hey, we're not done yet:
"Going to rehab was all for publicity. She wanted people to see her seeking help but it hasn't got her off the drugs at all."In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own.
"She doesn't buy itóshe is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like crap."
Aaaaand here's a picture of Lindsay giving her friend a little assistance (if you doubt it's her, check out the entire set):
Hollywood Tuna has the complete set of Lindsay's cokey pics.
And of course Lindsay is at MrSkin.com.
