Remember the days when Lindsay Lohan was just a little freckle-faced kid with a big rack who spent her days calling ham-armed Hilary Duff a hobag for, like, holding hands with Aaron Carter during Toy Story 2 or something? Boy how times have changed. Lindsay has moved on to fruitlessly picking fights with Diddy and Hilary has moved on to attempting to force tiny morsels of food past her floor-tile teeth for some much-needed nourishment.
As all good celebrity bitch fights that occur loudly in public, there are multiple accounts of the Lindsay Lohan/Diddly Widdly Combs kerfuffle that occurred Friday night at a private Prince performance at Butter. And as all good ego-driven starlets must, Lindsay had to squeeze in a preparatory scuffle with Paris Hilton in the bathroom, but apparently that wasn't the main event, as The New York Daily News condensed their report of the ongoing feud thusly:
"Lindsay followed Paris to the bathroom," a witness tells us. "They had a huge fight."
That account is so exciting we just swallowed our false teeth.The real action occurred when Lindz returned from–how do those delightful prudes say it?–powdering her nose.
After having words [with Paris], Lohan returned to her table to find that hip-hop mogul Diddy had been seated with her group. She kidded with him, asking what he was doing at her table.
"He didn't realize she was joking," says a source, "and he then yelled at her and told her to get out."
Diddy "was really mean to her," says another source, who claims one of Puffy's bodyguards lifted up Lindsay, and the rapper himself got into a scuffle with a Lohan pal who defended her.
Bouncers eventually "moved Lindsay out of the booth," says a source. Outside, Lohan vented to Butter owners Scott Sartiano and Richie Akiva, allegedly demanding Diddy be ejected.
In this tale Lindsay is just a good-natured pixie who was trying to joke with a fellow rich and pretty (ok, rich and rich) person. But according to Page Six, Lindz threw a spoiled brat hissy fit on par with Violet Beaureagarde.
"There were only like six tables," a witness says. "Everyone was sharing, but Lindsay refused and began mixing it up with Puffy. His bodyguards came over and picked Lindsay up to get her out." A member of Diddy's camp confirmed, "Lindsay was being so loud and obnoxious. His security became concerned and came over to escort her away."
We are oh so confused. We try to keep up with Lindsay, we really do, but we just don't have enough time on our hands. We have to eat, people. And occasionally look at celebrity nipple slips. There just aren't enough hours in the day to keep up with all of Lindsay Lohan's catfights and genital attendees. What we think might have happened here is that Lindsay herself became horribly confounded after her bathroom run-in with Paris. She saw Diddy sitting at what had been her table and couldn't remember if her had ever paid a visit to her furburger or said anything disparaging about her to Vanity Fair. Seeing his umbrella handler and designer clothes and divaish ways, she must have assumed that there was some sort of catfight between them and decided on escalation. Perhaps to avoid future confusion Lindsay's people should make her a chart–updated hourly–of whom she has screamed at in public and whom she has allowed to service her. It would make things so much easier, really.
If you view Lindsay's pics at MrSkin.com there's sure to be a catfight going on . . . in your pants.
