Yesterday, Radar released some voicemails from Lindsay Lohan to her mesh shirt-favoring father figure, Michael Lohan. We didn’t post them because they made us real sad in our souls but today Lindsay’s addressing them so fuck it, here they are. A transcript:
“No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it . . . Mommy says that I’m worse than you were. And she’s defending . . . She doesn’t back me . . . she doesn’t stand by me.”
These words were peppered with painfully heart-wrenching sobs and honestly, when we listened, we honestly tossed around the idea of quitting our near-constant Lindsay-skewering. But then we’d be the nice blog, and Celebitchy’s already holding that title, so scurrilous we remain.
Lindsay took to Twitter and responded to the voice mails, saying:
“My fathers [sic] such a loser & those recordings are from years ago. To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them … I used to think that he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father. Haha-he’s [sic] needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN”
He does need that book. It’s worked wonders for us. After we read it we started quoting Tucker Max and sitting on the subway with our legs spread comically wide apart and now we make 76 more cents an hour!
Lindsay won’t tweet at us. Will you? Twitta atcha boy!
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Christ! Even Ryan Murphy and the writing of NIP/TUCK, with all their piles of horseshit that borders on crystal meth melodrama, couldn’t think up something as gonzo bonkers as this. I mean, what does have to take for someone to put an intervention on the whole friggin’ family? A death clock on countdown?
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