Lindsay Lohan Is Mature and Professional

Fiery crotched enigma Lindsay Lohan is always complaining that she’s not the troublemaker the press makes her out to be, because she’s a workaholic. We scoffed at this, then realized she’s telling the truth because she doesn’t specify what kind of work she’s addicted to. Certainly not acting work, but fighting with your be-hatted chick chum and siphoning vodka into Evian bottles is arguably a full-time job. However, Elle UK editor Lorraine Candy isn’t buying it, and says Lilo is a giant butt and the worst person she’s ever had to work with. The NY Daily News reports:

Candy revealed the 23-year-old actress had Elle magazine staffers running in circles around London trying to pin her down for the issue’s photo shoot and interview.

The story follows Lohan as she was pursued by photographers and recounts a tearful confrontation with off-again, on-again girlfriend Samantha Ronson.

“Lindsay Lohan wrote me a note during this month’s cover shoot,” Candy wrote in the new issue. “It read: ‘Let’s do it again some time.’ I’ve put it on my office wall because, in all honesty, I don’t know if I could. This was the most unpredictable, and confusing shoot in my magazine career. First, Lindsay was about to arrive. Then she was in Paris. She was almost on set, then she disappeared into her hotel room. She was ready for her interview, then she had to have a fake tan! But we got there.”

This is the part of the story in which we put a snarky little out joke and then publish, but after 4 1/2 years of Lindsay Lohan stories, we don’t have an out. The well is dry. Now I’m trapped! Trapped in a Lindsay story with no out! What’s my out? Please, Jesus, let me out of here. It smells like lower Ronson. My kingdom for an out joke. Please? I’m cold. And frightened.