She Ain't Heavy, She's My Kardashian

Hell hath no fury like a bastion of discounted ruched knit scorned by a woman with an ass like a zeppelin. Foxy fatass Kim Kardashian is reportedly very upset that US Weekly recently used her name and likeness in a blurb about an upcoming plus sized fashion line from Jesus-loving teen clothing shop Forever 21. So upset that she made a semi-official statement on her blog:

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and Iím very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a ìfuller-figured womanî of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.

Thanks for clearing that up, Kim. We're sure all the plus-sized girls who fit the new line you're so happy exists are grateful for your offense. You might as well just make gagging sounds while you say that, and then wipe the fatty cooties onto Nicole Richie, squealing and crossing your fingers to innoculate yourself from the virulent strain of imaginary invasive lipids.

And "curvy" is actually the celeb media's way of saying "Blubberpotamus".