Kevin Federline Is Exactly the Jagbag We Always Thought He Was

Just over two years ago, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline broke up and all your assumptions about the world were shot to hell. Britney's the crazy one? Kevin's the responsible one? A court thinks he is capable of raising their babies even though he's never actually held a job? Huh? And since then Kevin's image in the media has become pretty upstanding, much to our dismay. Could it be that we were wrong about him from the moment we saw his greasy corn rows and manpris? No. No it could not be. Just as we always suspected, Kevin loves nothing more in life than weed, hookers, and Grand Theft Auto. Ah, it feels so good to be right. Reports Star (via Celebitchy):

K-Fed went public to paint himself as a straight-arrow, devoted single dad to their two sons, whose biggest concern is to “show them what it’s like to have normal, stable lives.” What he left unsaid, sources tell Star, is that his definition of a “normal” life includes partying with hookers, smoking pot and spending wild, booze-filled nights in Las Vegas!

“Kevin loves his sons dearly, but he isn’t always the model dad that he wants to appear to be,” says a family source. Another insider takes it a big step further: “Kevin’s been trying to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes! He acts like he’s the father of the year, but he’s far from it. Behind the scenes, he’s a pot-smoking slacker who doesn’t have a job but still goes out of town to party for days and leaves his boys in the care of their nanny, Jenny. She’s amazing, but sometimes it’s a lot for her to handle…

“Kevin loves smoking weed and spends hours getting high and playing video games with his buddies,” the insider tells Star. The family source adds that Kevin is careful never to smoke it when he’s around [his sons]…

“He loves sexy hookers and regularly parties with them at his home in L.A.”

What if we start learning that all of our assumptions are actually true? Catherine Zeta-Jones really is 54 years old. Denise Richards really is a man. Katie Holmes really does get shackled into a damp dungeon room every night.