Sex symbols! They'll do anything to titillate in the press. They talk about their vibrators, their lingerie collection, their lesbian affairs with Russian strippers, their vaginas being like exalted tombs, and that one time they go so super constipated after having their third boob job that they couldn't crap for a week and when they finally did it was just a little rabbit pellet which has made them forever terrified of making a BM. Be still my beating heart. According to our gossip nurse, Female First, incomparable sex kitten Jordan aka Katie Price explains:
Being knocked out that much affected my bowels and my waterworks. I had to have a catheter fitted and I was so blocked that I couldn't go to the toilet for 13 days. My stomach was sticking out like I was seven months pregnant – it was agony.
"They gave my suppositories and all sorts but it just wasn't working. Then when I finally did go it took me three hours to give birth to a pebble! And it killed – it was like labour pains. I'm actually frightened to go to the toilet now."
We know what you're thinking. "How can such a delicate blossom exist? She is too gentle; too beautiful for this world." Basically, Jordan is like a latter day Scarlett O'Hara mixed with Blanche DuBois mixed with a super-constipated version of Chesty Morgan. A plasti-titted daffodil waving in the breeze, yet bogged down by several pounds of impacted feces.
One Comment
This is funny.
Really funny