Katie Holmes Getting Her Dawson's Freak On . . . With Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise. And Katie Holmes.

Together.

Um.

WHAT?

Wait, wait, wait. HOLD UP. Something is fishy. Something smells stinky, something smells like grouper here. Tom is supposed to be seeing Sofia Vergara, you know, the girl with the big cans, right? And Katie Holmes was recently spotted "canoodling" with Josh Hartnett (we didn't bring you this news because Hartnett canoodles with everyone, big whoop). And why, pray tell, is Cruise's publicist confirming the brand-new, few-weeks-old tiny baby romance? Publicists don't confirm! They deny! They're master deniers! And Katie, she's not a Scientologist. She's probably teeming with body thetans, for the love of God!

We just don't understand. Something about this is just plain wrong. Tom ain't the only thing queer here, people! Although Katie does have quite a bit of beard experience on her resume, having been engaged to Chris Klein and all.

You're not banging Katie Holmes, but you can still see her naked at MrSkin.com.