Ah, Monday. With birds atwitter, the sun rose in the east and we gently stirred from our slumber, wiped the crust from our eyes and the coke toothpaste-and-talc cocktail from our nostrils, and greeted the new day by staring at Egotastic!'s set of pictures featuring Katherine Heigl in a bikini. And then we sat down to write a story about it, and accidentally typed "Keigl" instead of "Heigl" which kind of looks like "kegel" and then we started laughing and then after the laughing we started thinking about Katherine Heigl doing kegels while eating kugel and we laughed anew.
You're probably looking at the pictures and scratching your head like a cartoon dog, thinking, "Gosh, CelebNewsWire, the captions are all funny-like. Are they in code? What does that say? Am I missing some important dialogue regarding Katherine Heigl's bikini, or her boyfriend, musician Josh Kelley? Or possibly regarding kegels or kugel?" Funny you should ask, friends, because we've been hard at work translating for you. Ahem.
This says, "Is she staring at Josh's crack? It's inverted."
This one says, "Katie is smiling because he is about to cram his hand in her gal canal!"
And finally, this last caption leaves us with some words of advice: "Just remember: even if you're a bearded purveyor of craprock, you too can get a girl this hot if your penis is the width of a cooly refreshing bottle of Poland Spring…"
Did you know that Katherine Heigl has played characters named "Isabel" thrice in her career? Fascinating. Also, she's naked at MrSkin.com.
