There's a very good reason why Hollywood types keep themselves locked up in the VIP sections of exclusive clubs and multimillion-dollar homes in the Hills, only emerging for vital necessities like coke and non-fat, low-foam triple-shot buckywuckyccinos. They're just too beautiful to be seen by people who are used to being surrounded by three-hundred-pound Wal-Mart employees from Joliet who are in desperate need of some expensive dental work and VO5 hot oil. If Kate Hudson can cause a helicopter crash and Eva Longoria can bring down a photographer, just think what kind of destruction Angelina Jolie could cause if she was spotted in a bikini. Maybe that will be the catalyst for the world's ultimate destruction. People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People will gather on a Malibu beach and hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes and the like will bring about our planet's end.
Yes, Kate Hudson in a bikini, diamond collar, and high heels is worth stopping and taking a closer look, but if you're a bunch of Marines in a helicopter who haven't had any companionship other than that effete new recruit and your tired old pocket pussy for a couple of weeks, you might want to safely land first. Instead, the helicopter crashed. Hudson said:
We heard this huge crash. A sort of huge plywood thing came falling on to my car from a rooftop.
Then the cops were there and the Marines were there and I'm in this outfit.
I realised what I was wearing and I said, 'I'm sorry, can someone get me a robe?'
C'mon, Kate, be a pal. The poor guys already survived a frightening crash thanks to you, and now they're going to have to go back to their bunks and look at those same Jessica Simpson Maxim photos again. The least you could do is give them time to solidify their mental image of you in a bikini up-close and personal.
As for the unlucky photographer who tripped over a planter and fell on his ass trying to snap a shot of Eva Longoria, maybe he should have taken a peek at these pictures before meeting up with the supposed beauty. Because ending up like this
is acceptable if you're about to witness, say, Scarlett Johansson and Heidi Klum mud wrestling in see-through bikinis. But Eva Longoria in a sun dress? That's about as worthy of attention as our nana putting her teeth in this morning.
Kate will cause a crash . . . in your pants, at MrSkin.com.
And if Eva is your particular brand of turn-on, she's also at MrSkin.com.
