Julia Roberts: New Year, New Fetus

Julia Roberts is reportedly pregnant again. Nice job, America's sweetheart! Really. Excellent work there. There are malnourished orphans slowly dying agonizing, painful, wasting deaths in third world countries across the planet. Starving, their stomachs start to digest themselves, bloating in an excruciating fashion while flies lay larvae in their eyeballs and dysentery grips their bowels and they pray for either the sweet release of death, or a wealthy American celebrity to adopt and raise them as their own. But you, Julia Roberts, you chose to throw away your Seasonale and have your loving husband ejaculate inside you while you and he were tucked away in your plush California king-sized bed with tempur-pedic foam, selfishly baking a batch of fetus and thus, letting another innocent soul perish, alone, under the unforgiving sun. Great job. Happy holidays, everyone.

PageSix has the hot poop:

Page Six has learned that the auburn-tressed Oscar winner is pregnant with her third child and will give birth next summer. Her pregnancy is somewhat of a surprise since the star, 39, had so much difficulty with her first effort to start a family with cameraman hubby Danny Moder, 37. In November 2004, she gave birth to twins Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia - but only after months of round-the-clock bed rest that followed a scare in which she was rushed to the hospital with false labor. It's not known how the Georgia-born beauty's pregnancy will affect her latest screen projects. Roberts, who commands up to $25 million per movie, is appearing in Mike Nichols' new flick, "Charlie Wilson's War," and has reportedly signed to do "The Friday Night Knitting Club.

$25 million per movie. Julia's been pretty much off the radar for years, and although she has most certainly had some staggeringly enormous hits, most of her oeuvre is made up of crud like Hook, The Mexican, Full Frontal, and (whisper) Mary Reilly. But still she commands $25 million. For that kind of scratch you can buy a whole platoon of shiny new babies without having to embark on a risky pregnancy that's only gonna end in bed rest, or Tom Cruise publicly admonishing you if you get bummed. Ah, nothing like recycling a year-old joke.

See Jules's jewels at MrSkin.com.