Josh Hartnett Gives New Meaning to "Heading to the Library for Some Cramming"

Despite having eyeballs the size of M&Ms and less charisma than a package of Lunchables, Josh Hartnett somehow stumbled upon a successful Hollywood career and Scarlett Johansson's jugs. And now, we can see that famous wooden emoting style on camera yet again in his latest cinematic offering: Josh Hartnett and Some Gal Screw on Tape in a Hotel Library. According to The Mirror, Josh took a lady back to his hotel in London and did some advanced studying in the private stacks and it was all caught on security camera. Oops. A source said:

"Josh and the girl were getting pretty hot and heavy. After stumbling in quite late, they legged it to the library and immediately closed all the curtains so that no one could see in.

"Unfortunately the hotel has security cameras all over the place - the library included. This means their every spit and cough was recorded, and cringing hotel workers saw all of Josh's X-rated moves. No one quite knew where to look and there was a very awkward silence.

"Josh didn't seem bothered that the library wasn't locked and anyone could just burst in. He just kind of went for it.

"After the event, someone had a quiet word in Josh's ear and he was asked to take his personal business elsewhere in future. Josh took it on the chin and didn't kick up a fuss. He's been as good as gold since."

OK, haha funny story and everything, but seriously, we can't believe anyone talks like this, even in England. It's like the Mirror takes a normal quote like "Josh Hartnett was caught on video cramming it into some girl in a hotel" and they send the clip down to their editorial department for sprucing up. And said department consists of a nineteenth century Cockney bootblack looking over the copy through a monocle, quill dipped in red ink and poised to make it all the more jaunty. "'Josh said he understood and went back to his hotel room'? Nae! 'Josh took it on the chin and didn't kick up a fuss.' Oye, that's much improved, by gum! Now where's me cards, it's time for a trifle and a spot of whist."