This Week in Celebrity Schlongs

How has your penis been occupied in recent days? Have you been hard at work trying to calculate the exact amount of floppage when you run across your living room naked? Or perhaps you've been tiring it out with the Real Doll you bought yourself for Christmas. In an effort to make your crumpet trumpet feel a bit less lonely, we will now check in on the celebrity wiener antics of Josh Hartnett and Orlando Bloom.

First up, a helpful Dlisted reader brings us this tale of a B-list bathroom beej:

I was out last night with my friend in New York City. We went to the Lower East Side for drinks and to hangout. We started at this bar called Max Fish. Two of my girlfriends noticed that Josh Hartnet had arrived and proceeded to talk to him for a bit. He invited them to come meet him and some other friends at a small bar called Mamma’s. When we arrived the star struck girls could see Josh over in the corner - but he was surrounded by another group of girls. My friend had to go to the bathroom and there was a small line. The guy in front of her mentioned that there were 2 girls in the bathroom and just then Hartnet walked right in. He was pissed (not knowing it was Josh, but he was mad because he obviously knew this would take a while). After a considerable amount of time - the pissed off guy walked up to the door and yanked it open - only to expose to the bar Josh Hartnet recieving a big sloppy blowjob from one of the two girls who was down on her knees. It was difficult to see what the other girl was doing because he shut the door so quickly. For Confirmation - he was wearing a white t-shirt that said KLAUS on the front and a black knit hat and had an ugly pair of glasses hanging from his shirt.

God, Josh, couldn't you be more discreet? Everybody knows that a crowded bathroom is not the proper place for a clandestine knob polishing. Why didn't you crouch behind the dumpster like a normal person?

And now for Orlando Bloom peeing on rocks:



Apparently 'Lando misses directing his penis toward sharp, pointy protrusions.

Flynet has all the Orlando bodysuit action you can handle.