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August 21, 2008 at 11:03AM

filed under Jennifer Aniston | trackback link

John to Jen: "Its Ovr. C U Nvr."

Do you still care about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer and how their love failed and why she is now sad again and what makes him such a gigantic jackhole? No? Well, too bad, cause nothing much is happening today other than boring people having babies. So on with it. According to Faded Youth:

John Mayer, who is increasingly coming through as someone who specializes in dating and dumping leading Hollywood celebrities, ended his relationship with Jennifer Aniston with a text message that read: “That’s it - the end.”

A friend of newly single Aniston tells the Mirror: “She is so intent on getting married and having children, he felt hemmed in. After a 20-minute phone conversation, he just said, ‘I can’t take it any more,’ and hung up. Then he texted, “That’s it - the end.”

Here's a tip, guys: If you're going to date Jennifer Aniston, she's going to want to marry you and have your babies. Do you not understand that she's now SIX babies behind in her womb-race till death with Angelina Jolie? SIX BABIES! It'll take Jen a super long time to catch up. And what if Angie finds out how to adopt the entire orphan population of a small impoverished country? Don't put it past her. So Jen's gotta hop on the spermination train FAST. So, please, men of Hollywood, don't date the lady unless you want to give her fetuses. It's just cruel.

You can see Jennifer Aniston naked at MrSkin.com.

But Angelina is winning the nudity race too, the little naked minx.

Related Topics: Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer, celebrity breakups

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Please forward my email address to Jennifer Anniston and tell her i would be honored to be her husband and 3 times a day sperm doner.

Posted by: jake | August 21, 2008 03:37 PM

Jennifer, forget Jake (see previous comment, then...forget him).

Also, forget John Mayer, Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, that Loser before BP (I've already forgotten him), and any other egotistical, unappreciative, sterile, Hollywood self-lover.

I would be devoted to you. While not Greek, I would convert if you or your Greek family wanted a Greek man. (I saw "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.")

And it wouldn't take me 3 times a day to get it right and impregnate you. (It probably wouldn't take jake 3 times per day either. He's just thinking of HIS OWN pleasure, where my focus is on YOUR pleasure.)

And I wouldn't just be a sperm donater like some (jake) are offering. No, I would be delivering it...making sure it reached its target!

I would make you HAPPY, CONTENT, and FULFILLED. You would SINCERELY enjoy your ENTIRE motherhood experience, from foreplay and conception to the pregnancy, Lamaze classses, the delivery, the nursing, etc.

Give MY email address to Jennifer. I will make her _happy_. And she deserves that.

Posted by: Big Mike | August 21, 2008 10:33 PM