Joe Francis Prefers Paris Knob Jobs to Tara Reid's Fetid Business

Joe Francis, possessor of a literal stiff upper lip and impetus for girls going wild, called into Howard Stern yesterday morning to discuss the lawsuit he and Paris are filing against ParisExposed.com. Although Joe's aim was simply to talk about the legal aspects, he ended up dishing on assorted famous ladies--the Lohan, Tara Reid, Kim Stewart--that he's used as a penis snood through the years. And then he showed Howard his moobs and rode the Sybian.

A Stern listener posted an entry on ONTD detailing the finer points of the conversation with Francis. Grab some warm milk and crackers and listen, little children:

Joe Francis called in to Howard this morning to "discuss" his and Paris's pending lawsuit against Parisexposed.com. While he claims he and Paris are not behind the leak, he mentioned the website name numerous times, and Robin and Howard didn't buy it for a minute. Joe sounded extremely drugged up, or hungover, or still drunk?? But then again it was around 8 a.m. Howard time, 5 a.m. Hollywood time...Howard got him to admit that Paris was the best blowjob he'd ever received. When asked who gave the better bj, Paris or Lindsey, Joe responded, "Paris," even though a few statements earlier he claimed, "Lindsey and I are just friends."

When asked who was the worst in bed of all the famous chicks he's slept with (insinuated in this interview: Paris, Lindsey, Kimbo Stewart, Tara Reid) he said Tara was the worst, and when Howard asked why, he went silent again. When asked to explain why he claimed Tara was so bad, he wouldn't come out and say it, but merely mumbled, "...well I only used protection with her, so maybe that made it less pleasurable..." Howard then began asking more leading questions like, "So she just laid there?" or "Was it because she had a big smelly loose vagina?" Joe responded, "More or less, yeah."

To conclude such highbrow topics, Joe stated, "Well I don't plan on having sex with Paris again, especially after seeing the medical documents on the site."

If listening to this conversation between Paris Hilton and Nicole Lenz has taught us anything, it's that big loose smelly vaginas are the fault of men who have sex with a lot of girls, thus infecting them all yeastily. Nicole's mom told her, so it's true. And that Paris's wiener never smells, ever.

Sniff Paris at MrSkin.com.

Lohan and her massive cleavage is there, too.

And Tara, naked.