Joe Francis Thinks Jail Works Like Nobu

We've always known that Joe Francis was a Beelzububic turd-licker crawling with fleas and lice and other vermin. He's so evil, he probably has a forked penis. It's just nice to see government officials finally agreeing with our assessment.

Don't get us wrong; we like boobies. But we prefer boobies to be exposed because a woman is expressing her bodily freedom, not because she was force-fed a quart of tequila by a slimy weasel and given a Girls Gone Wild baby tee for her efforts. Plus, ever since we returned from Ft. Lauderdale with a really bad case of Chlamydia, every time we hear "Whoooo! Spring Break!" we start shaking. So we're happy to see Francis's dirty deeds finally catching up with him. First senor scumbag was arrested for contempt of court, then he was indicted on tax-evasion charges, and now he's been caught with pills in jail and been accused of attempting to bribe a guard. TMZ reports:

"Girls Gone Wild" bad boy Joe Francis has allegedly been found with pills in his Florida jail cell -- and the reason he got caught is because he allegedly tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water with a $100 bill on Wednesday night.

And get this ...TMZ has also learned that the President of Mantra Films, Scott Barbour, the company that produces "Girls Gone Wild," has also been arrested by the Bay County Sheriff on suspicion of slipping the pills and the cash to Francis. Authorities say Barbour made the handoff when he visited Francis Wednesday night at the jail. Now Barbour is an inmate at the same jail as Francis.

We've confirmed the story The County Press broke, that authoritites searched Francis and found at least three different types of pills -- anti-anxiety meds Aprazolam and Lorazepam, as well as the sleeping med Lunesta.

Francis could be charged with the crime of introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony, and possession of a controlled substance.

The pills we can't explain, but the need for a water bottle is simple: Joe's new prison boyfriend, Hacksaw, wasn't willing to sully his own member with the viruses and infestations hiding deep inside Joe's crevices and needed a makeshift dildo to fuck him with.