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Who Will Save Your Soul Boobs?

jewel-breasts-weird.jpgFor once, no one is pointing out Jewel's tombstone teeth. We wondered what was going on with her jugs here, so we whipped out our protractor, abacus, and jeweler's loupe, and after an exhausting 20 seconds of in-depth examination, we've determined that the bulk of the weirdness is thanks to some creepy "shading" going on with two vertical stripes of bronzer. Still, that doesn't lessen the appearance of the breasts themselves, which formerly were glorious, overabundant, voluminous globules that defied all laws of gravity, space, and time. Now, they're like buckeyes in a grocery bag, or possibly those individually-sealed prunes. At any rate, this just gives us a great excuse to dip into our office copy (and you think we're kidding but we assure you, we're quite serious) of Jewel's book of verse, A Night Without Armor, to share one of our favorite poems.

Sun Bathing

I read a book
and the man thinks
I can not see
the wrinkled posture
of his son
as he is nudged.
He thinks
I can not see
four eyes
upon my flesh
as the father tries
to bond with
his teenage boy
by ogling my breasts.

jewel-breasts-weird_2.jpg jewel-breasts-weird_3.jpg

Jewel is juicy and jiggly at MrSkin.com.

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5 Comments

  1. Posted November 10, 2007 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    damn… whats up with those boobs? it looks like the silicones had a party that ended badly…

  2. gina gatewood
    Posted November 10, 2007 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    JEWEL WERE YOU HOMELESS AND DO U HELP THEM . SHE ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME .

  3. Posted November 13, 2007 at 1:34 am | Permalink

    Hey now wait a minute!!! I know it's common to have silicone in this music business, but I believe that it is common knowledge that Jewel's breasts are quite real!!! Even a cursory image search will show that Jewel's chest has remained this size for over a decade – since she was a young homeless teenager living in a van. I blame poor lighting and a bad photographer for this image.

    Keepin' it real!!! Stop by and discuss this in our forum some time.

    The World Jewel Forum
    http://www.JewelForum.com
    The world's best and largest Jewel Forum with over 1000 members!!!!

  4. Molly
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 11:47 am | Permalink

    come on you guys…it was just lighting…and she's never had silicones
    ok?
    Xx

  5. CNW Admin
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    We didn't insinuate that Jewel had fake ones. In fact, they're much smaller than they used to be. They just look mighty funky in those pics.

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