Jessica Simpson's Life More Pathetic Than We Thought

Poor, poor Jessica Simpson. Recently we were comparing her to Jennifer Aniston, but we think Jessica's situation is more dire. Jen makes millions of dollars a picture; Jessica's sad attempts at cinematic success go straight to video. Sure, they're both desperate enough to date John Mayer, but Jen is routinely linked to her hot male costars; Jess has to troll other professions in hopes that a man might love her. And to top it all off, Jessica's family keeps on saying, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Ouch. Those family members know that Jessica's sister is Ashlee Simpson, right? There's not a secret Simpson child we haven't heard of? A successful Tulsa dentist with four kids and an impressive 401(k)? No? They mean Ashlee? People tells us how Jessica's been spending her days since getting dumped by that football beauhunk:

So far, Simpson has been coping with the split by living a low-key life and seeking solace with her parents, who "encourage her to go out and have a good time, like she did this week," says the Simpson family friend.

But when she's out in public, "she feels she's being judged by the world and opts to hide out at home," says the friend. "The family feels bad for Jessica. They worry for her a lot."

That wasn't always the case. "The family used to have such faith in [Jessica] and they worried about Ashlee," says the family friend. "Now they are fully confident in Ashlee's choices and they worry most of their days about Jessica. It seems she just can't catch a break."

Has it really come to this? Is Jessica Simpson's life so sad and pathetic that her whole family wishes she were more like Ashlee? Ashlee? Seriously? Shouldn't they maybe look outside of the family for a role model? Like, "Jessica, why can't you be more like Jennifer Garner? She seems happy"? Not, "Why can't you be more like your sister? She was smart enough to poke holes in all of Little Petey Wentz's condoms so he couldn't leave her. That's how you keep a man, dear."