Jessica Simpson's Greatest Talent? "Hurting Millions of Fat People"

Jessica Simpson does not care that you are a fat, lazy slob who will not get off your couch and do some crunches with the likes of Cindy Crawford or Jane Fonda or whoever it is who's made workout videos since 1989. She is a very busy lady, and she does not have time to motivate you to squish your blubber into a whole lot of yards of spandex. She has manicure appointments and pedicure appointments and highlighting appointments and waxing appointments. So stop your complaining, fatty. According to MSNBC:

Jessica Simpson might be “hurting millions of fat people in America” by banning the release of a workout tape produced by fitness video company Speedfit, owner Alex Astilean told the press. But it’s Simpson who stands to hurt the most if the tape ever gets out.

“Jessica was a mess during that shoot. She had no focus, she put out something that was entirely unusable,” said a source close to Simpson. “They asked her to come back and reshoot, but she refused, and that’s why she’s facing a lawsuit now.”

One magazine that worked with Simpson in the past said this is a familiar problem. “The (magazine) shoot was an absolute disaster. She showed up and looked like she’d been drinking,” said the magazine editor. “We were there for hours and we had maybe three usable photos from the shoot. We asked for another shoot, and she refused.”

“The worst thing in the world would be for that tape to get out,” said the source close to Simpson. “Ironically, it would sell better than her videos, but the last thing she needs for her career is to have the makings of a ‘Saturday Night Live’ skit out there for public consumption.”

When asked for a comment, a rep for Simpson simply replied, “This is a legal matter and in the hands of attorneys.”

Really, source? Would the worst thing in the world be for the public to see Jessica Simpson looking drunk and unprofessional? Sure, that might hurt her "career", but we're guessing that there could be worse things in the world. Like a video of Jessica Simpson pouring BBQ sauce all over a toddler and proceeding to eat it. That might upset a few more people than Jess simply looking like an idiot.