No Cage Match for Jessica Simpson and Pam Anderson

There are a lot of reasons to carry ire in your heart for Papa Joe Simpson. 1) This picture, 2) he taught his daughters to be "wholesome," which translates to nobody seeing their boobies, and 3) he aided in the prevention of a catfight between Jessica Simpson and Pam Anderson. What is wrong with this man? We would think that the idea of two big-tittied blondes trying to rip each other's hair out, preferably near a kiddie pool full of mud or baby oil, would be a dream come true for him. But then maybe he's just holding out for Jess and Ashlee's eventual throwdown. It's always better when the catfightees share your DNA. MSNBC reports on this averted wet dream disaster:

Her sassy message tee (“Real Girls Eat Meat”) may have sparked tensions with her would-be adversary, but Jessica Simpson never expected to be branded a “bitch and a whore” by Pamela Anderson.

According to The Sun, Jessica was ready to “go after” the former “Baywatch” babe when she learned of the low-blow comments Pam delivered to an Australian radio station.

“She was deeply hurt and upset at the comments,” an insider told the paper. “To say Jessica is mad about it is an understatement.”

Allegedly, Jessica was ready to jump headfirst into a full-fledged Hollywood feud, until her loved ones explained who the real winner would be.

“She is disgusted at Pamela’s remarks and fully intended to go after her, until her family made her see sense,” the source explained. “Her folks told her not to make a big deal of it — as that would only get Pamela the press she’s so desperate for.”

We are truly saddened by this missed opportunity. Just imagine the wonderful bon mots that would have flown from Jessica's lips! Surely she learned a thing or two about insult comedy from her stint working with imperial douchelord the greatest comedian of our time, Dane Cook. We bet the put downs would be sharp-tongued jabs on the order of "Your hair is ugly" and "You smell like poop." Genius!


In this rumble, Pam definitely wins, because you can see her naked at MrSkin.com.

But don't fret. Jessica is there too, and she still looks hot.