Do you like the plight of Jennifer Aniston but find it hard to relate to her advanced age? Do you like her perpetual sadness and desperation but wish she were like ten years younger so she could speak directly to your generation? Well, then Jessica Simpson is the girl for you! High-profile failed marriage? Check? Desperation manifested in pathetic, misguided relationship with John Mayer? Check. A hot rack that makes us forget that she's patently unloveable? Uh, yeah, that one's pretty much a given. But just when it looked like Jessica might have found a dude who didn't find her to be needier than a mewling newborn kitten, she got dumped again. Awwwww. Poor Jessie. Says People:
Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson on Thursday, the night before her 29th birthday, a source close to the pop star tells PEOPLE."She is heartbroken," says the source. "She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."
The night before her birthday? Man. That's cold. That's like "Go cry to your bald mom" cold, only because it's Jessica Simpson and not Denise Richards, it's not funny.
But fear not. Jessica will live on. And for now she's doing what any just-dumped girl would do: fellating a chocolate bar.
6 Comments
That chocolate is getting ready to undo all the progress she made with Proactiv.
I can't believe Tony "Beef Baloney" Homo dumped her right before her third 29th birthday.
Oh, mother! Why do I have the feeling this will end with her doing PLAYBOY and kill whatever's left of its cred…assuming Heidi Montag doesn't do that first!
I have a feeling this is going to end with her eating about 300 more of those candy bars.
Oy! There's an image that'll be staying with me for awhile. Godawful thing, too!
I think I saw this posted on a coprophiliac porn site.