It's rather apropos that Jessica Alba is looking quite comfortable in those cutoffs to the left. Because, like Tobias from Arrested Development, she is a Nevernude. The denim shall grow crusty and thick with sloughed skin cells. It will perhaps fuse around that storied, mysterious vagina. But the shorts will not come off, and your fantasies will remain unfulfilled. According to ABC News:
Alba believes it is important to abide by her strict religious beliefs, even if it means losing out on blockbuster film roles.
The 26-year-old says, "I will never do a nude scene in a movie, not ever. I can act sexy and I can wear sexy clothes but I can't go naked. I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed. I come from a Catholic family and it wasn't seen as good to flaunt yourself. I can handle being sexy with clothes on but not with them off."
Not being able to be sexy when the clothes come off does not spell success for poor Cash Warren. Nor for Jessica's career. Truly, this is a great, great move on Alba's part. Look at the amazing, meaty roles that have been falling into her lap since she's put on the proverbial (or literal, we suppose) denim chastity belt. Into the Blue, Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, the harrowing urban dance drama Honey, and who could forget the lighthearted modern comedy classic Good Luck Chuck? Indeed, creamy cocoa skin and the fairest of bottoms coupled with extreme prudishness is a ticket straight to the cinematic stratosphere! Look out, Shannon Elizabeth! Cover your ass, Tara Reid! And prepare yourselves, family-oriented romps costarring talking CGI barnyard creatures! Jessica Alba is coming for you!
Jess gives up something–crack!–at MrSkin.com.
6 Comments
I'd say she's doing pretty well, even drawing a line in the sand. I applaud her sticking to her guns on this – especially considering what hell many of her peers are experiencing for having a lack of conviction.
But, having said that, I hope she never sets foot on a Fantastic Four set again, for her own sake. Those movies really, really stunk up the place!
Wow this joke was totally funnier when Webster's Is My Bitch did it yesterday. You lose!
Yeah, casting this bitch as a stripper in Sin City is looking dumber all the time. There's plenty of strippers who can act better than Jessica NeverNude Stripper Alba.
Hey News Wire ..
I'll bet she makes more than anyone who writes about her …. (just exactly how many movies have you been in ?)
Strict religious beliefs? Like pre-marital sex and pre-marital pregnancy?
"Strict religious beliefs? Like pre-marital sex and pre-marital pregnancy?" yea, according to pop-culture's progressive degeneration of christian morals.