The Magical, Mythical JLo Fetus Makes His Monthly Appearance

In the past few years the over-thirty-and-single set seems to have exalted Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez to queen-like status, standing as shining examples that you can go through a lot of shit with the Bennifer thing and the my-husband-fucked-half-of-Los-Angeles thing and come out with a good man (or zombie, whichever) by your side. And the singletons have been so keen on these ladies living the dream that we've been on constant bump watch for far too long. And we fucking hate bump watch. And we've always erred on the side of an extra bacon double cheeseburger residing in the tummy, not a fetus. But Halle had to go and confuse us by actually getting knocked up. So could JennyLo really be with child? Nah. She's probably just depressed that Marc Anthony wasted all his seed on some other lady and is eating her feelings. But nonetheless, IMDB says:

Jennifer Lopez is pregnant with her first child, according to reports. The singer/actress is due to give birth in the spring, according to U.S. publication In Touch Weekly, which claims Lopez and husband Marc Anthony received the good news after visiting her Beverly Hills gynecologist, fertility specialist Dr. Robert Katz. Sources tell the publication she had an ultrasound performed in a New York office on September 12. One insider says, "The test calculated that she was about 12 weeks pregnant." The couple has been trying to get pregnant for the past two years, and eventually turned to in vitro fertilization. And those close to the couple claim the baby news could be a double blessing – doctors think Lopez, 38, could be expecting twins. A pal tells In Touch, "The way the fetus is lying made it difficult for the doctor to tell if there was more than one baby in there." It is not known whether the baby news will upset the couple's upcoming tour dates, which begin in early November. This will be the couple's first child together. Anthony, 39, already has three children from previous relationships.

But the New York Daily News counters:

In Touch weekly proclaimed yesterday that Jennifer Lopez is finally expecting a baby, or maybe even twins ó but that's news to hubby Marc Anthony. "Everyone calls about this every month with the hopes that they'll hit the mark," Anthony's rep told us, "but no. No." A flack for In Touch said it's sticking by the story.

So she's pregnant. Or she's pregnant with twins. Or she's not pregnant at all. And Marc is a zombie. Or a vampire. Or a corpse. God, there are so many options. We just don't know what to believe.