J.Lo Introduced To Dungeon Life; Marc Anthony Surprisingly Not Responsible

So you're a rapidly aging and fading pop star/sex symbol whose latest ill-advised hubby collabo has been pretty much panned and whose once-storied and adored rear bumper has been surpassed by younger ladies of varying ethnicities. What's a girl to do? Why, break out the whips and chains and human-sized mousetraps and giant hamster cages. That'll get their attention, J.Lo.

We suppose when turning your rump to the camera and shake-shake-shaking it doesn't grab the attention of the tweener MTV-watching set, there's nowhere to go but hardcore S&M. Rush & Molloy report:

Not everyone would try to marry motherly love with bondage and domination in a dance video. But Jennifer Lopez gave it her best shot last weekend in L.A.

For two days, director David LaChapelle had her tricked out in the sort of tight, studded-leather outfit that avenging moms apparently wear when they rescue their children from sex clubs.

Never mind that LaChapelle's scenario has nothing to do with the lyrics of "Do It Well," the first single from J.Lo's forthcoming CD, "Brave." Lopez really wanted to work again with the photographer, who directed her "I'm Glad" video.

Perhaps aware that she also really wants a child, LaChapelle gave her one — a son, about 6 years old. For some reason, the kid is being held hostage in this kinky club. Enter J.Lo, kicking around bouncers the same way she wailed on that abusive husband in "Enough."

Searching for her boy, she discovers a grimy place that resembles a Petland store run by the Marquis de Sade. Opening one door, she sees a dominatrix, dressed up as a cat, whipping a man in a mouse mask and underpants. He's stretched out on a mousetrap. Behind another door is a giant hamster cage, where one woman trods an exercise wheel while another sucks water from a bell bottle.

Lopez makes her way past an assortment of pimps and hos, finally finding her boy washing dishes in the kitchen. She leads him to safety, tossing a few goons over the railing along the way.

Off-camera, a bathrobe-clad Lopez was attended to by hubby Marc Anthony. His devotion prompted one set "prostitute" to remark, "I need to find a man like that!"

The "Brave" CD is out Oct. 9, the start of La Lopez's fall tour.

Ah, if only we could all find men "like that." We'd save so much money on food, although ours nights would be rather hectic, what with stalking the local chicken coop for fresh, juicy blood. And decorating our bedrooms would be so easy if they were only slightly larger than the human form, lined with satin, and outfitted with a securely closing lid for that extra-cozy feeling. A girl can dream.

Jenny Lo loses the bondage gear at MrSkin.com.