Jennifer Lopez Is Fetal Overachiever, Birthing Twins

Jennifer Lopez is sick and tired of these little gringas thinking that they're better than her just because they can sing and dance and sell records and whatnot. She just accomplished the biggest feat that a woman nearing forty can accomplish: She got knocked up! And by a skeleton/corpse/zombie hybrid no less! That's really something. So none of those little tarts can touch her. And to prove that she's better than all of them, she's having twins. That's two babies at once, people! It's hard. And don't you think about trying it, Christina Aguilera, because if you do JLo will concentrate really, really hard and grow a third baby in her lady gut. Sure it might come out a little runty, with only half the gestation time of the other babies, but she'll love it just the same. It'll look just like its daddy! Oh, and it will be swathed in cashmere. Rush & Molloy report:

Jennifer Lopez is leaving no doubt she's expecting boy and girl twins — and that they will grow up in the sort of luxury befitting royals. In fact, the 38-year-old mama-to-be bought pink and blue onesies: one monogrammed "princess," the other, "prince."

Both son and daughter will get equal comfort by the looks of the gifts she's requested on her top-secret gift registry at Petit Tresor, the exclusive L.A. baby boutique.

It's not known whether pals and business types who want to curry her favor will spring for both babies or one, because what mama wants is pricey.

There's the $349 cashmere outfit, one in pink stripes, one in blue, from Baby CZ.

There are two Moses baskets for $225 each, though there are Smushy teddy bears with pink or blue ribbons for $65.

If you really want to get on the diva's good side, pick out the Balmoral enameled black carriage for a mere $3,495.

There's one $289 suede play mat. Guess they'll have to share.

The cheapest item is the Adiri Natural Nurser at $22. Lopez wants 10 of those.

There's also a $560 jogging stroller for two. It's not known whether we should expect to see J.Lo or her nannies trotting around with the infants.

She's also requested not one but two double Peg Perego strollers for $429 — one in toffee, and one in mint. Don't speculate that she might even be expecting quadruplets; she's tricoastal.

Lopez, who Fortune called the richest woman under 40 in America, isn't leaving all the spending up to her pals, who have until February to save up for the gift(s).

She's having the tastemakers at Petit Tresor design three nurseries for the teeny totlets at the couple's estates in Bel Air, Fisher Island, and Oyster Bay, says a friend. Lopez is spending $40,000 to outfit each nest, the pal adds, including gilded cribs. "She wants them filled with the most chic furniture from Europe and embroidered linens from France." In pink and blue, natch.

Petit Tresor co-owner Samantha Winch would say only: "We don't talk about any of our clients."

Did we miss something somewhere? The richest woman under 40 in America? Where exactly is Jenny Lo getting all of her money? Her movies go directly to video, she's only toured ONCE in her entire career, her albums don't seem to sell at all anymore. Is it because we're not keyed in to the Latino community, so we just don't see how adored she is? When she visits a Puerto Rican neighborhood do the inhabitants carry her around in an elevated throne and throw bundles of $20 bills at her feet? Does SoundScan not count sales at Julio's House of Salsa?


Jenny Lo is nudey-o at MrSkin.com.