J.Lo to Bank $3 Mil Per Snoob Sucker

We're going to be frank with you, readers: not being famous totally sucks a big fat wiener. We're sick of it. We don't get anything for free, we don't have even one perfume named after us, and if we pooped out a baby or two not even our grandparents would pay us for exclusive rights to the first baby photos. It's not fair, we tell ya. We want to get paid $6 million to have pretty pictures taken of us with a couple of infants. We might even be able to stomach being married to Marc Anthony for perks like that. MSNBC dishes on the little bundles of (monetary) joy about to pass through Jennifer Lopez's ham hole:

How much is too much to pay for baby photos? That’s the many-million-dollar question, and it’s being asked now more than ever as the end of Jennifer Lopez’ pregnancy grows near.

Although magazines make it a rule to not disclose the final numbers, People magazine reportedly shelled out $6 million for the first crack at photos of J.Lo’s twins, but that deal only accounts for rights to publish the pics in the United States.

OK! magazine has also struck an exclusive deal for photos of the Lopez/Anthony babies. Their pics will run in OK!’s 15 international editions, the magazine confirms. “It is fantastic for those markets, and especially important with the immense strength the exclusive will bring to the new launch of OK! Spain,” said a spokesperson for the magazine. The Spain edition launches March 26. (Which begs the question: Is J.Lo not due for another month?)

So why pass on the rights to publish the photos here in the United States? One magazine industry insider said that frankly, Lopez’ appeal in the U.S. isn’t as broad as many people — including Lopez — would like to think.

“Look at her track record with her movies, and look at her album sales. The U.S. market hasn’t been fascinated with her in some time,” the insider explained. “It makes more sense to not spend a fortune on photos that won’t cause a noticeable increase on the newsstand. This just isn’t going to sell like Shiloh (Jolie-Pitt), and $6 million is a lot of money.”

Another magazine insider says that the OK! approach is noteworthy. “There’s a real difference between U.S. appeal and international appeal, and most celebrities don’t really understand that.”

We think OK! has this whole thing wrong. J.Lo's tots shouldn't be compared to the divine human perfection embodied by Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, but rather the intense curiosity surrounding the birth of Suri Cruise. We eagerly awaited Suri's first pictures, wondering just what a human/robot/alien hybrid would look like. Likewise will we anticipate the birth of the Lopez-Anthony babies, wondering what characteristics human/corpse/zombie children will possess.