Jennifer Aniston Likes 'Em Furry

Jennifer Aniston seems a little out of touch. She's always flitting around town in her fancy clothes, staying in luxury hotels, drinking her five-dollar coffee. It's ridiculous. So we're not really surprised that she doesn't know much about men. There's a common expression that equates the male of the species to a four-legged canine. Mostly because they'll hump your leg if you let them. But Jen doesn't know this. She wants men to be more like dogs, saying:

It wouldn't be bad if, when a man comes home, he'd run to his woman with his tail wagging.

This sort of excitement is something I've always missed in a man to be honest.

We're confused. Most of Jen's exes are just like dogs; as soon as a hot new bitch enters the room, they're willing to mount her. We guess Jen meant to say that she wishes men were more like neutered dogs, following you around hoping for some table scraps or a bit or ear scratching. In that case, we have a suggestion: Jen should go into a Gamestop store in, say, Des Moines, and point at any guy in the place and declare, "I will have sex with you, but you must devote your entire life to me, wait on me hand and foot, bring me my slippers and herbal tea in the morning, and never, ever look at another woman ever again. Even if she is on fire and needs you to save her life. I'm sure that freaky pyro chick Angelina is well acquainted with that trick." We're pretty sure that would work.


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