Us Weekly ruined Jennifer Aniston for us. Not that before she was dumped for the world's most desirable female we were all, "Jen Aniston is so COOL. She makes the best movies. We want to be just like her" or anything. But with all the headlines bemoaning "Jen's Pain," "Jen's Heartache," "Jennifer Aniston is SAD," "Jennifer Aniston One Good Cry Away from Stuffing Shiloh in Her Purse and Disappearing to Antarctica" and whatnot, we can't look at her as any sort of functioning human. To us she's a sad, pathetic sack who cries roughly eighteen hours a day and plasters her walls with magazine clippings of the perfectly happy Jolie-Pitt clan. Because that's what Us Weekly wants us to believe. But in reality she's trying to hunt down a man capable of baking her up a revenge baby. MSNBC reports:
One week the rumor mill has Jennifer Aniston paired with Aaron Eckhart, and then suddenly Brian Boumaís her main man. The latest reports of hot and heavy times for Jen involve her ìMarley & Meî co-star Owen Wilson. Conflicting reports? Not according to OK! magazine, whose sources claim Jenís rolling through the hotties in search of daddy material.Thatís right. Jenniferís allegedly on a quest to make her maternal dreams come true, and one insider says itís down to Brian and Owen. ìBoth men have some of Jenís favorite qualities: Brian has the height and looks, while Owen can make her laugh,î a pal of Jenís shared with the magazine. ìEither one would be a good choice for Jen.î
Then again, one of the guys may not be ripe for the papa picking. A friend from camp Owen told OK! the actor isnít seeing anyone seriously, and ìwants to keep his options open.î
As for Brian, ì(Heís) really good guy,î another source said. ìHeís a bit overwhelmed by all the attention since heís been identified as Jenís boyfriend.î But not scared off yet, as ì(Brian and Jen) still talk on the phone with each other.î
We like this new Jennifer, a brazen hussy flitting around from man to man trying to suss out which one possesses the traits most desirable to pass on to a child. Sure, she's probably not going to trump Shiloh or the forthcoming Jolie-Pitt superbaby twins, but maybe if she can find a man who is facially gifted she can at least have Harlow Madden running scared.
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